1. Cast-iron Ken Livingstone with his arms out as if to say 'it's not my fault'.
2. Global warming thermometer protruding from a pair of buttocks representing Essex and Kent.
3. Huge plasma screen showing highlights of the 1966 World Cup final.
4. Big pointless metal thing by Tonkin Liu with an infantile name e.g Boingy Woingy Wobbly Bobbly Snivelly Drivelly Frollocky Bollocky Blinging Frigging Thing Plus Vat.
5. Overscaled reproduction of the empty Trafalgar Square plinth.
6. A Tracey Emin PFI landmark; whatever she likes as long as it's on budget and challenges our perception of ourselves.
7. Five Stonehenges stacked on top of each other.
8. Build some ironic suburban maisonettes, convert the £2m Angel of the South fee into small change and pebbledash them with it.
9. Sustainable giant biofuel Olympic flame.
10. Just find an interesting bit of Ebbsfleet, put it on a plinth and jack it up 50m above ground level.