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The nightmare continues. . .

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Over the past couple of weeks I have been having this recurring dream. In it I am crouching terrified on a high cornice on Farrell's MI6 building by Vauxhall Bridge.

My only protection is a pair of disembodied giant eyebrows which nudge me back from time to time against the blockwork wall.

Down below, oscillating quietly in the Thames on a series of floating interlinked industrial-sized ice blocks, is the entire Grimshaw office chanting: 'Jump! Jump!' It is when the Brandenburg Concerto starts up from deep within the building and the conical fur trees directly below start their plunging rotation, that I wake up sweating.

Since I have never worked for either practice I can only wonder at what it all means.

Take the eyebrows. I know that pubic hair wigs have been called merkins since the middle of the eighteenth century. But what do you call eyebrow wigs? Dennis Healeys? Somebody in the pub who knows about these things says current thinking is that 'Healeyterrys' is set to be the accepted term. Where do they get these names from?

But apart from that giant virtual version guarding me in that dream, what would you use them for? Do discreet wigmakers sell them? How many people are walking around wearing them? Hold on: this is crazy stuff brought on by too many midnight sessions with AutoCAD plugins. It is time for a move.

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