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marchware noun . Late twentieth-century British.

1. urban hardware panic-purchased by local authorities in the month of March, esp marchpaviors (qv ), and marchbollards (qv ).

2.spurious research application requested on 6 March for subm iss ion on 7 March by academ ic inst itut ions hav ing 'found' a spare £250,000 on 5 March.

3. pejorative term referring to mediocre projects strategically timed to come up before appropriate committee just before end March, which otherwise would not have had hope in hell of funding.

marchbollard noun . Large phallus-like object rising, if fortunate, to a height of over three feet. Constructed from a unique seasonally adjusted concrete, which hardens for four weeks, unaccountably liquifying in the last two weeks of April, causing marchbollard to lean over, while at the same time neatly exposing internal reinforcement at base to rust and corrosion.

marchpaviors noun , generic term. A variety of paving surfaces including dinky concrete squares, larger concrete squares with bricky infill, coloured concrete interlocking blocks, fake Portland stone, etc. Common characteristics:

1. bedded in maximum 20mm sand binding directly on hardcore, such that they will imitate choppy wave effect when first wheeled vehicles traverse surface on 5 April, 'paving the way' for installation of next year's variant.

2. desperate need for marchpaviors unrecognised until pioneering research by post-Brutalist 1980s concrete industry in alliance with local government marchmaniacs (qv ).

marchignominy noun . State of mind of half-decent member of architectural profession confronted with disgusting waste and cynical downgrading of building materials and techniques by perpetrators of marchmania.

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