'Changing Rooms Wrecked My Marriage' read last Monday's headline in the Sun newspaper, so inducing a prayerful relief in the architectural profession that the arb had the good sense to keep the interiors lot at bay, now they are getting it in the neck.
Indeed, while interior designers are the 1990s domestic villains, forcing their wicked way on defenceless offcuts of mdf, the Telegraph reports that architects have come out tops again in a survey of what women most want in a husband. The word 'sensitive', so sadly missing in the public's perception of the staple-gun brigade, features prominently in the reasons why. Our profession now has an undisputed monopoly on this desirable quality. As an act of public benevolence to the other saps, we really should indicate some pointers to Being Sensitive so those less fortunate can get a look- in.
There follows a beginner's guide to the acquisition of Architectural Sensitivity by the human male:
1 Get Shaky Hand Syndrome (optional extra: long, sensitive fingers). Essential for making sensitive sketches which are ambiguous enough to look just like what any number of different women have been waiting for all their lives.
2 Keep your lady on her toes by readiness at all times to fall under a bus while admiring an (inanimate) facade. This will prevent your relationship falling into a predictable and insensitive rut.
3 Invoice your clients late, if ever. Money is sordid and unbecoming to a Sensitive One - besides, if you've played the sensitivity card right She will have it in pots already.
4 Fall on your sword when you feel your work has been unjustly overlooked, of course leaving adequate time for a long diatribe on how misunderstood and sensitive you have been.
5 Be sensitive to her slightest indications of jealousy. Be sure never to acknowledge contributions by female colleagues to your professional work under any circumstances whatsoever.