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MONDAY. To Portland Place for a 'secret, but not sinister' meeting to sort out the niggling Freemasons problem. I'm five steps inside when a smartly-dressed young man wearing a namebadge approaches at speed, head-on. 'Hey!' he shrieks, chest-bumping me to the floor. 'How are you today?' He helps me up, spins me round. Whack! I'm suddenly clapped hard on the back by a woman with an insane grin. 'My name is Purina! Welcome to the Home of Architecture!'