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The fast, the furious and the truly turgid

webwatch

I got a reproachful email from Jeremy Marks of CDP for suggesting that you should bring in graphic designers only at the end of that exhaustive and complex process that is web design. He suggested I look at his communications company's site. Not that old one, I thought. But, boy, this was one amazingly simple and easily navigated site marred only by the visitor's inability to change the text size.

And there was something else - quite a lot of you with websites have been given earfuls of flannel from web designers about how speed is a relative thing and that people secretly adore waiting more than a few seconds for your immortal works to upload to the screen. May I suggest you grab your web designers by the collective lughole and make them surf www. cdpweb. co. uk, where they will experience sheer, utter speed. Probably for the first time.Then the nasty bit:

ask them how CDP does it.

Groaning through a pretentious building review in an architectural magazine, I wondered whether the desk editor who had let this turgid tripe through to the printed page was hoping to get bits of it enshrined on that wonderful website, The Word Spy at www. wordspy. com. Here you will find newly minted words.Lots of them. Sleuthing them out is known as lexpionage and they are entered in the Word Spy lexicon only when they have appeared sufficiently frequently in newspapers, websites, books and so on.They include such useful architectural words as 'magnetic wood' and 'vasectomy zoning'. Magnetic wood? No, it exists.

Devised by some Japanese prof, it is a timber-like matrix that is impregnated with magnetic nickel-zinc particles, which deflect all but 3 per cent of mobile phone signals.

Makers of railway carriages are clamouring.

Vasectomy zoning means using a loophole in the US federal Fair Housing Act, which allows you to exclude families with children permanently from your luxury development if you make provision for old people.Hooray, a brat-free local environment.

sutherland. lyall@btinternet. com

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