How do you build a perfect sandcastle? Surely even the most arch-Modernist would accept that there has to be a turret or two. But what does an engineer do when faced with this same question. The answer appears to be, work out an equation for 'how to find the perfect water-sand combination'. According to one boffin from the University of Bournemouth, if there is too much water in the 'cement' the structure is sure to collapse but if there is too little, the castle will blow away. Surely there has to be a better use of the time and resources of Britain's academic researchers? Such as working out an equation for easing global warming.