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Katherine Shonfield

As all the world knows, architecture has had a chequered relationship with the monarchy in recent years. Yet it would be singularly unbecoming for architects to snigger behind our small but perfectly formed brises-soleil at the Firm's latest difficulties. One is, however, forced to ponder on the very different outcome had the Royal Family, in lieu of hurling monstrous carbuncles at us, had the good fortune to marry into a proper accredited profession. Could, for example, any of the following of 'Princess' Sophie and her cohort's alleged faux pas ever have happened had she had the sense to be an architect rather than a public relations consultant?

'William Hague is deformed.'

Architect's response: 'On the contrary, he is the sole leading politician whose head embodies a strict Modernist principle in the form of a seamless eaves-toroof configuration, favoured by innumerable distinguished architects from Brunelleschi to Lord Foster.'

'The supply of lines of coke.'

Architect's response: 'The queue for offspring's beverage during the intermission of Rugrats - the Movie is a necessary evil from which clients should be defended on aesthetic grounds.'

'Tony Blair hates the countryside.' Architects' response: 'Our profession denies the actual existence of the countryside, on the grounds that it lacks any meaningful formal regulating principle.'

'The Queen is an old dear.'

Architect's response: 'As a promising 70-something, it's a toss up between her inclusion in the 'All the Young Dudes' feature in Blueprint or the 'Eighty under Eighty' exhibition showcasing the work of up-andcoming practices.'

'Laying on Gay parties.'

Architect's response: 'An embargo on any social intercourse with individuals other than architects makes organising any convivial gathering an impossibility.'

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