Ian MartinOne man's journey into architecture, with fellow travellers Dusty Penhaligon, architecture critic Darcy Farquear'say, RIPBA president Dame Helen Button, magic arborealist Isis de Cambray and HRH Prince Charles
Ian Martin columns
Pocket gardens and vast Nazi forests leave Ian Martin dazed and confused at a networking jacuzzi
Ian Martin’s plans for a tunnel beneath the Thames take a turn for the worse
Ian Martin rallies support for the capital to be moved to the heart of Mercia
Ian Martin sets his sights on becoming a Wise Howl
Ian Martin gets to grips with sprialling housing costs
Ian Martin gets his first taste of neogen
Ian Martin lands his first nimby-pamby gig
Ian Martin redesigns the Labour Party
Ian Martin redesigns The North
Ian Martin designs a series of cycle superhighways for London
Ian Martin redesigns Victorian England for television
Ian Martin proposes a regeneration scheme for Hartlepool via a process of ‘gamification’
Ian Martin puts clear yellow water between the Tories and the Lib Dems
Ian Martin resigns his post as honorary chair of the Buildings That Look Like Penises Appreciation Society
Ian Martin is fed up with constant sniping by intellectual pygmies of the gutter press
Ian Martin redesigns the United States to give it a wider, sedentary vibe
Ian Martin helps to shape a nation
Ian Martin redesigns Clacton-on-Sea in Essex
Ian Martin embarks on a series of high-profile bridge designs
Ian Martin knocks up a 21st century new town
Ian Martin does some big thinking
Ian Martin builds up his psychogeographically-retrieved sustainable heritage consultancy
Ian Martin’s best ideas have been systematically stolen
Ian Martin designs a ‘place of ourship’
Ian Martin submits outline ideas for Blingnangstonbury
I’m 58 years old and standing on a chair…I love a crowd when I don’t know many people. It’s more exciting.
1. Robin Hood Gardens Hedge Fund Investors2. Baggy Urban Zoomorphs Rule3. Pre-Modernism Rocks The House4. Olympics - Yay!5. Second Home Self-Builders With Attitude6. We've Been To Siena And Sketched In A Straw Hat7. Architects and Planners for Justice in Pimlico8. Absorbing The Gherkin9. Freemasons Facebook Lodge10. I Studied For Seven Years So Why The Fuck Do I Earn Less Than A Vet?
1. 'Finished building looks smaller than in original daydream'2. 'Architect not wearing traditional frock coat'3. 'Houseguests less glamorous than in brochure'4. 'Now we've moved in, turns out to be in wrong part of country'5. 'Wanted double Georgian garage not lecture on aesthetics'6. 'Cost overrun very dramatic but with no clear narrative'7. 'Channel 4 uninterested, despite huge financial outlay'8. 'Thought contextual restraint meant yachting wire or ...
1. Incontinental Europe.2. Atomised milky coffee.3. Conservative pheromones.4. Tubed human meatloaf.5. Kerosene with herbal essences.6. Wafting, melancholy gastropub.7. Guilty fag breath.8. Concessionary chip fat.9. Blocked fear.10. Simmering line managers enthused with garlic.
1. Miniature Millennium Bridge.2. Sydney harbour, with wafers.3. Recession-moulded City of London.4. Wobbling New Delhi.5. Green jelly earth with bitter fondant eulogy.6. Tower of Trifle.7. Model City of Bath in aspic.8. Royal jelly Poundbury.9. Saudi Arabian lubricating jelly airbase.10. Naked Will Alsop moulded by Lucian Freud.
1. High Purberley2. Greenham Conyers3. Sustainby Neuterall4. Glazing-upon-Glazing5. Burbish6. Spralling7. Greywater Butts8. Compellinghampton9. Reuseable Bagshot10. Smugby.
1. Urban Task Force still ignored despite rhetoric.2. Terminal 5 now carrying too much cultural baggage.3. Suburbia remains ghastly...4. ...AND in breach of recent Guardian article guidelines.5. Food today too fast.6. Planners today too slow.7. Too few pompous shits at heart of decision-making.8. New communities developing sense of place, belonging and identity despite incorrect design.9. Nowhere civilised enough in Thames Gateway to have lunch.10. ...
1. Print out rendering of new office block.2. Take printout to Hall of Mirrors, photograph reflection.3. Feed crazy distorted image back into aeronautical design program, hit the 'make this happen' button.4. Print out new rendering, send to client with invoice.5. Punch LA Times critic in face.6. Fix 'seemingly random' meeting with Russian oligarch.7. Identify appropriate ass in Hove.8. Kick ass all the way to goddam Brighton.9. Articulate 'chaotic' ...
1. Sceptical frown in beanie. 2. Quizzical pout in hard hat. 3. Chuckling at timetable. 4. Conspiratorial whispering in deserted Italian kitchen. 5. Facial paralysis after saying 'gosh'. 6. Squinting at recalcitrant German roof. 7. Caressing seasoned oak beam with faraway gaze. 8. Shimmy of head as 'spontaneous thought' occurs. 9. Sighing, forgetting to breathe in again, passing out. 10. Asking 'but will it...work?' then getting hit in face ...
1. Igloos melting to a poignant soundtrack.2. Menacing Russian cartoon featuring dancing skyscrapers.3. Armed charrette at University of Pennsylvania.4. Wind turbines apparently chatting to each other in Swedish.5. Original World Trade Center under reconstruction in Second Life.6. Man being eaten by interactive carpet.7. Freak weather battering the Scottish coast, then deep-frying it.8. Homeless people dancing for soup in Poundbury.9. Frank Gehry ...
1. The William Morris Pink House. 2. Senior Consenting Room, Fingersmiths College. 3. The Dancing Bear prosthetic nightclub, Soho. 4. Lawrence of Arabia suite with walk-in closet, Burj Dubai. 5. Sub-prime non-dom housing, Queens, NYC. 6. Rufus Wainwright's dressing room. 7. Dorothy Cottage, Wordsworth, Cumbria. 8. Anything indoors in Brighton. 9. Pre-booked pod on The London Queer Eye.10. Your scrupulously tidy study.
1. The Graphito by Banksy & Banksy.2. Stubby Lines' Doodlebug Pro.3. Suzuki left-handed mechanical in B Minor.4. The Böring Seminar Bullet Point.5. Zaha Stiletto Space Probe 3000.6. Fair Trade natural unpainted cedar pencil with pretend carbon.7. The 2B Hamlet Soliloquy.8. The Blairwrite Memo with sneery, retractable point.9. Tarantino HB 5mm with smooth-barelled fixed eraser and ass-cap popper.10. Wooden stylus dipped in own blood.
1. The Herzog and de Meuron close-coupled Europan.2. Wayne Hemingway's Flush Hurry.3. The Renzo Piano Urban Macerator.4. Studio Libeskind Biomass Exodus.5. Ceramic Shitpod on tubular steel legs by Will Alsop.6. Norman Foster's Effluvium Overlord.7. The Vitrinius Vitruvio Latin Commodium by Quinlan Terry.8. Converted K8 phone box at bottom of garden.9. The Calatrava Cable-Stayed Passing Place.10. Personal reed bed.